"The Major-General's Song " "The Major-General's Song "

Based on the performance by Gilbert and Sullivan

"I Do Not Know The Model Of This Modem Data General"
Parody by Guy DiRito


Caller:
I am so very baffled by this modem Data General,
No information's routable, bandable, or signable,
I know it rings and pings and sees remote end sites most logical,
From Washington to Waterloo and right back to the capitol.
A trace route tracked as it chained through, its patterns looked quite logical,
Through HYPERLAN end stations did not stumble-on erratical,
About ethereal theorem it's seeming there's a lot of views,
With many garbled facts about software that says you've got to use.

Tech Support:
There's many garbled facts about software they say you've go to use,
Caller:
Can any modem FAX run this software they say you've got to use?
Tech Support:
Not any modem FAX supports software, I'd say you'd have to choose.

Tech Support:
Connectors should be serial then peripheral calls the bus,
It must be so specific or your pingings are anomalous,
And do you know the model of this modem Data General?
Caller:
No information's legible, scanable or tenable.

Caller:
In short, no info's legible, scanable or tenable.
I do not know the model of this modem Data General.

Caller:
This is a cryptic mystery, it tries to send and then it locks,
Should I run diagnostics, or would that erase my data blocks?
Tech Support:
Take note that diagnostics could provide results anomalous,
'Lectronics they can store peculiarities autonomous.

Caller:
You can tell undoubt I'm baffled from the signal strength atrophy,
Tech Support:
Could be the domain forrest is all clogged in it's telephony,
Caller:
Now I've become confused at which I've heard the modem's din before,
It whistled I declare though now I cannot hear it anymore.

Tech Support:
It whistled you declare though now you cannot hear it anymore?
And now you are confused at which you heard the modem's din before?
Caller:
It whistled I declare though now I cannot hear it anymore.

Tech Support:
Make sure that all your modem scripts are logical and uniform,
Attention now to detail or you may as well write cuneiform.
Caller:
In short, in matters routable, bandable, or signable,
This is a flakey model of a modem Data General.

Tech Support:
Let's track what we know has been sent, the modem's on and signalin',
Then can you tell by sight that modem cables are not a-wigglein'?`
Caller:
With much software I'm sporty but devices I'm more leary at,
And I don't know precisely what it is now I am peering at.
Tech Support:
I'll try and learn the process can you send me all the history,
It could be IP static, MS Office, it's a mystery,
Until you give me something we are left without a strategy,
To fix that modem Data General is not a guarantee.
`
Both:
To fix that modem Data General is not a guarantee.
To fix that modem Data General is not a guarantee.
To fix that modem Data General is not a guarantee.
`
Tech Support:
In my ancillary knowledge if your hardware's not propriet'ry,
It just may be a matter somewhere lerking in your regristry.
Caller:

But still in matters routable, bandable, or signable,
This is a flakey model of a modem Data General.
`
Both:
But still in matters routable, bandable, or signable,
This is a flakey model of a modem Data General.
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