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Office Terminology by Scott Adams

artist who draws Dilbert.

adminisphere: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

assmosis: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss.

blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible

chainsaw consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee head count, leaving the brass with clean hands.

CLM: - Career Limiting Move: Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is serious CLM

cube farm: An office filled with cubicles.

dilberted:To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. "I've been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week."

flight risk: Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave the company or department soon.

ohnosecond: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.

percussive maintenance: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

salmon day: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

seagull manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, shits over everything and then leaves.

404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. "Don't bother asking him ...

NEW WORDS FOR 2004

Essential additions for the workplace vocabulary

generica: Features of the landscape that are exactly the same no matter where you are, such as fast food joints, strip malls and subdivisions. Also applicable to chain-workplaces and franchises that are cloned.

irritainment: Entertainment, media spectacles or workplace predictabilities that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching and laughing sarcastically at them.

Mouse Potato: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

Prarie Dogging: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

SITCOMSs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

swipeout: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

WOOF'S: Well-Off Older Folks.

Xerox Subsidy:Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace copy machine.

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